On May 26 Stephen Evans from BBC News touched on the issue of cultural differences. He gave an example of Germans being often frustrated over British saying things they don’t really mean, while Britons are usually outraged by German directness.
Juliane House, a professor from Hamburg, recently studied various groups of people interacting. Her findings revealed that Germans really don’t do small talk, those little phrases so familiar to the British about the weather or a person’s general well-being, Juliane simply describes as “empty verbiage”.
Although you most probably won’t hear Germans discussing rainfall forecast in a doctor’s waiting room, it doesn’t mean Britons are more polite. Just different. Ironically, Germans feel it’s more polite to keep silence in an elevator, than ‘faking it’ by asking a stranger how is he doing today.
A day later another interesting post appeared on the net. This time The Economist bloggers suggested their readers to look through a funny guide that was made for Dutch executives to help them mind the communication gap and understand what English colleagues really mean in different situations:
What the British say: “I hear what you say”
What the British mean: “I disagree and do not want to discuss it any further”
What is understood:”He accepts my point of view”
What the British say: “This is in no sense a rebuke”
What the British mean: “I am furious with you and letting you know it”
What is understood: “I am not cross with you”
What the British say: “With the greatest respect”
What the British mean: “I think you are wrong (or a fool)”
What is understood: “He is listening to me”
What the British say: “Correct me if I’m wrong”
What the British mean: “I know I’m right–please don’t contradict me”
What is understood: “Tell me what you think”
What the British say: “That’s not bad”
What the British mean: “That’s good or very good”
What is understood: “That’s poor or mediocre”
What the British say: “QUITE good” (with the stress on the “quite”)
What the British mean: “A bit disappointing”
What is understood: “Quite good”
What the British say: “quite GOOD” (with the stress on the “good “)
What the British mean: “excellent”
What is understood: “Quite good”
What the British say: “Perhaps you would like to think about….”/”I would suggest…” /”It would be nice if…”
What the British mean: “This is an order. Do it or be prepared to justify yourself…”
What is understood: “Think about the idea, but do what you like”
What the British say: “Do as much as you think is justified”
What the British mean: “Do it all”
What is understood: “Do what you can”
What the British say: “Oh, by the way/Incidentally …”
What the British mean: “The primary purpose of our discussion is…”
What is understood: “This is not very important …”
What the British say: “I was a bit disappointed that/It is a pity you…”
What the British mean: “I am most upset and cross”
What is understood: “It doesn’t really matter”
What the British say: “Very interesting”
What the British mean: “I don’t agree/I don’t believe you”
What is understood: “They are impressed”
What the British say: “Could we consider some other options”
What the British mean: “I don’t like your idea”
What is understood: “They have not yet decided”
What the British say: “I’ll bear it in mind ”
What the British mean: “I will do nothing about it”
What is understood: “They will probably do it”
What the British say: “Please think about that some more”
What the British mean: “It’s a bad idea: don’t do it”
What is understood: “It’s a good idea, keep developing it”
What the British say: “I’m sure it’s my fault”
What the British mean: “I know it is your fault, please apologize”
What is understood: “It was somebody else’s fault”
What the British say: “That is an original point of view”
What the British mean: “You must be mad, or very silly”
What is understood: “They like my ideas!”
What the British say: “I’m sure you’ll get there eventually”
What the British mean: “You don’t stand a chance in hell”
What is understood: “Keep on trying; they agree I’m on the right track”
These 2 pieces got me thinking it might be useful to look deeper into the small talk origins and possible guidelines. Small Talk Etiquette Tips & Tricks coming soon!
Hi, I like your blog.
I disagree with nearly all the interpretaions given to these statements. I am British and have studied English (along with German and French) enough to know what these statements mean. There is no hidden code on these statements. For example “Correct me if I’m wrong” means exactly what it says. What is more, these statements are not small talk but straightforward English. If English is you second language, don’t take notice of this incorrect report, and don’t over worry about small talk.